Taras.Life

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6 min read

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OVERVIEW

Better day. Still lots of struggle. But seems like got compensated unexpectedly during the second meal. So the last 2 hours of work justified the day and it is good.
I’m not overwhelmed as well. Checklists are super helpful right now. You just don’t think about stuff, and blindly go point by point. If only I could manage a whole day like last 2 hours…

But I need to give myself the credit where credit is due. Day wasn’t good indulgence-wise, but still - you give 10+ hours of work every day. You don’t watch youtube shorts in bed. You have a good sleep schedule. You meaningfully increase complexity and improve yourself through very little steps forward. So at least there’s that. 365 days like last 7-10 days - and what would you achieve? And, hopefully, I’ll get better as I go too… Just don’t give up.

TASKS

  • Completed

    • You hate it, but you must go through all of that llm generated mess on docs and extract/rewrite our agents.md as the main entry point for the LLM tasks.
      • dev commands - done
      • backups - done (+ prepared route for cloud backups)
      • plan - done
    • Deskflow - don’t intercept switch hotkey? can ahk do it? just run in parallel.
    • 🔴when I updated junctions - obsidian updated ALL links in my project. Which means all links in all symlinked __obsidian__/ folders will instantly get broken. So you can’t use any markdown/wiki links in there to prevent massive headache in the future. give plain links inside inline codeblock
      • You have to test this shit, experiment with it, and find what works on practice. That’s it.
    • fixed broken outline css (but again not what I should be doing)
    • fixed all github-related issues (+dependabot)
    • setup proper gmail flow to reduce cognitive complexity in there
    • fixed another nasty issue
    • fixed ci issue
    • fixed symlink bug in quartz repo
    • AHK interception of deskflow switch hotkey to have a sound on. Made it visual .
    • Made github profile a bit better (avoiding the main task though…)
    • 🔴Proxmox - mqtt lxc restart
    • made proxmox more secure for the time being
    • “the thing” in the morning
    • vacuuming the room
    • helped a guy from old job through remote desktop connection

REFLECTIONS

CONTEX

Sleep Duration - 7:30
 
Time Spent in Bed - Medium
 
Approx. Dreams Compensation - Inspiring

TIME LOG

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  • 00:50
    • Surprisingly not finishing the day overwhelmed. 10 minutes left and I did what I planned to do. So this speed element has a weird property of time dilution. When I’m productively unproductive - I’m unproductive within the shrunk time perception, so it makes me slow x5.
    • Proper productivity doesn’t have that nuance. That’s how time is gained. Even small discouragement burst cost a lot, because time flies, and you’re like 10% as effective.
  • 00:02
    • I’m moving. Finally. 1 hour till sleep. But at least something.
  • 23:06
    • Through the meal got the perception shift. And now there’s speed. Not like subjective, but objective. 0 resistance. I’m just actively solving what was bugging me for days.
  • 21:01
    • So what PMO does is promises some meaningfulness, which is temporary. But then it kinda withdraws that promise post factum. I don’t know. When I’m alone like that without anything social going on - there’s just no meaning period.
  • 20:18
    • Those walking reflections are damn expensive… Wasn’t that long, and I’m done. And hungry. Want to sleep really bad…
  • 19:25
    • When I lay down in the chair - that’s where peak “productive unproductivity” happens. But that’s not the reason, but the symptom. I’m too late when this happened. So I can’t prevent it, but only think about how to fix it.
  • 19:19
    • I don’t know anymore. Like I’m without meaning right now. Is it because I indulged puer OR because I didn’t follow that path of meaning? I don’t know…
  • 18:51
    • Ok. I'm getting more aware about how puer gets involved into this, which leads to absence of meaning
    • So I need to have some counter actions. But the thing is - even thinking about counter actions are like stem from the puer. I must do the main thing first…
  • 18:25
    • Got off-track again. Yeah…
  • 17:59
    • Ok, that’s puer’s flow state, after I snap out of it - 3 hours disappeared, and not much is done. It’s like some kind of procrastination, where I’m being productively unproductive. Let’s see if I can to snap out of it, and get back into the morning’s flow.
  • 17:36
    • Too much time I spent on gmail dark mode to avoid that damn flashbang on load… Made it less problematic. But it’s not worth the time I spent on it…
  • 13:21
    • When I’m working on the task I have to work on - meaning is there… Though it’s not perfect and a bit too complex/messy for my liking. But meaning is still there despite that. Main thing is that I have proper and honest attitude.
  • 12:42
    • In previous day’s issue of low speed - there’s definitely misleading perspective is involved. Like
  • 12:34
    • Distracted a bit by today’s events. Starting to work now. Will eat 1 hour earlier too. To check how it’ll affect me.
    • I would definitely start to reinstall whole proxmox right now… But I see now that it’s the puer talking to do things, which will bite me in the ass in a few hours.
  • 11:19
    • Weird thing with dream analysis. Seems like those “clicks” are based on novelty. I don’t have much of those, and also they’re not as strong. But seems like it’s a good thing? Maybe I have some minimal capacity to have a conversation with the unconscious instead of like trying to decipher Enigma? Or maybe I’m off the track and have to find my way back.

DREAM ANALYSIS

More dreams with couples. It’s like dreams compensate my absence of partner so it’s not that big of a deal. Though that wasn’t like in my thoughts at all (during conscious life). So I don’t really know.

What if it’s not the couples? What if it’s something else represented by couples? Unity? Me as a guy and a girl as the anima (unconscious guide)? Because I do have that feeling that I’m not alone, because of my unconscious. Like it’s practically another human being in my head. It’s also as mysterious as real people. But I also know that its aims are towards something higher.

Maybe that’s what the dream compensates for? Autonomous reaction is “I’m not alone, there’s hope, aim high”, but conscious compensation very well may be to seek close relationship with the unconscious.

I don’t know, I just had to think about it. It’s recurrent motif. So it’s something big and something that I NEED to get right.